Fostering Positive Behaviour in Children with a "Caught Ya Being Good" Jar
Parenting is a journey that’s filled with ups and downs, joys and struggles! As parents, often when things are going well, we internally enjoy the calm and forget to tell our kids that they’re doing a great job. When we’re back in the storm, we have a tendency to focus on correcting behaviours and telling our kids what not to do.
Our kids hear, “don’t touch that!” and “I can’t let you hit!” or “you can’t colour on that!” While it's natural to want to guide our children towards better behavior, this approach can sometimes become overwhelming for both parents and kids. Constantly focusing on "bad" behavior can lead to burnout for parents and a negative atmosphere for the entire family.
We wholeheartedly believe that there are no bad kids. Often, what adults perceive as “bad” behavior is simply a child seeking attention, trying to escape a tricky situation, or expressing an unmet need. Shifting our focus to recognize and encourage positive behavior can make a difference and turn things around. If you’re finding you’re often in power struggles with your children or seeing big reactions, we might have a strategy to try for you! This is another one of my “tips I’ve learned from my BCBA bestie,” Shawna Fleming, and am excited to share this tip with you!
Introducing the "Caught You Being Good" Jar
One effective strategy to promote positive behavior is by starting a "Caught You Being Good" jar. This simple yet powerful tool helps you and your children focus on the good choices they make daily!
Here’s What You Need:
A jar or container
Something to fill the jar (such as marbles or pom poms)
You can add a “caught you being good” label like our free printable here
Some ideas for what you will do when the jar is full!
How to get Started:
Introduce the "Caught You Being Good" jar during a calm moment at home. Make it a fun and light-hearted experience. Explain how the jar works and what will happen when it's filled up.
Reward Ideas
Choose rewards that you don't usually do together as a family to make them extra special. Here are some fun ideas:
Popcorn and Movie Night: Enjoy a cozy evening with a fun movie and popcorn.
Ice Cream Party: Have an ice cream party with all your favorite toppings.
New Toy or Special Privilege: Let your child pick out a new toy at the store or enjoy a special privilege at home, like extra screen time or a later bedtime.
Important Tips for Success
Immediate Rewards: Choose rewards that can be given as soon as the jar is full or very soon after, like the next day.
Motivating Rewards: Ensure the reward is something your child really looks forward to and finds motivating.
Quick Wins: Initially, look for lots of opportunities to praise your child and fill the jar quickly. This helps them buy into the system and stay interested. If it takes too long to fill the jar, they might lose interest.
Variety: You can use the same reward each time or mix it up with different rewards to keep things exciting.
By making the introduction fun and choosing motivating rewards, the "Caught You Being Good" jar can become a powerful tool to encourage positive behavior and create enjoyable family moments.
How It Works:
Whenever you catch your child making a good choice, acknowledge it with a positive comment and add an item to the jar. For example, you might say, "I loved that you put your shoes away! I caught you being good!" or "You were so kind to your sister by sharing that toy. Caught you being good!"
The goal is to fill the jar, and once it’s full, celebrate by doing something fun together. This not only reinforces positive behavior but also strengthens your bond as a family.
The "Caught You Being Good" jar can be a powerful tool to encourage positive family interactions. To make sure it works well, keep these important tips in mind:
Important Considerations
Age-Appropriate Expectations: Set goals that are realistic for your child's age and development level.
Be Consistent: Consistency is key. Try to add something to the jar every time you see the desired behavior.
Immediate Reinforcement: Place an item in the jar right after you see the good behavior. Immediate recognition helps children connect their actions with the reward.
Focus on Challenges: Identify common areas where your child struggles, like turning off the TV. Reward any progress toward improving these behaviors. For example, you might start by rewarding them for tolerating you turning off the TV and then work towards them doing it themselves when asked.
Involve Your Child: Let your child help design the jar or choose what goes into it. This makes them feel more involved and excited about the process.
Celebrate Small Wins: Be patient and celebrate small achievements together. Every step forward is progress!
Not a Cure-All: Remember, the jar is a helpful tool but not a magic solution. It’s one of many strategies to encourage positive behavior.
By following these tips, the "Caught You Being Good" jar can be an effective and enjoyable way to promote positive behavior and strengthen family bonds.
Avoid:
Nagging or using comments like “that’s not going to get you a marble in your jar”
Bribing or using comments like “don’t you want a marble, go get your shoes”
Being inconsistent
Waiting too long to give the reinforcement or reward
Why It Works
The "Caught You Being Good" jar is a fantastic way to encourage positive behavior in children. Instead of focusing on correcting mistakes, this method highlights and reinforces the good things your child does. It can help with:
Positive Focus: By recognizing and praising positive behavior, children feel noticed and appreciated. They thrive on positive reinforcement and are more likely to repeat the behaviors that get them attention and praise.
Feeling Valued: This approach helps children feel valued and understood, which builds their self-esteem and encourages them to keep making good choices.
Avoiding Negative Attention: When children are corrected over and over, they might start seeking negative attention. The "Caught You Being Good" jar can help shift the focus to positive attention, reducing the desire for negative behaviors.
While it’s easy to get caught up in the cycle of correcting bad behavior, taking the time to acknowledge and celebrate good behavior can have a profound impact on your child’s development and your family’s overall well-being. The "Caught You Being Good" jar is a simple yet effective way to bring more positivity into your parenting journey and create a happier, more supportive home environment. Every child deserves to feel seen, valued, and celebrated for the good choices they make!
